#20 i'll keep me in mind

always thought that the selfie thing was a product of beauty contests and need of acceptance, kind of a show off tell me I'm pretty so I can believe it, as if we couldn't decide if we were without someone telling us.
i have the amazing memory of my grandfather who's 93 and still remember all the meetings he had, all the people he met and all the funny stories, the time he spilled the whole bottle of wine at the fancy restaurant, date included. i'm very proud to have inherited these genes from him. but genes by itself are nothing if we don't put them to work and photographies have always been my little help. i've always loved photographies. not photography as an art, but printed images of life. and all my life i let people take pictures of me, not really caring if i looked good, if my belly was hidden, if i had a pimple or not. i have pictures with stains on my sweater that remind me that, that day, in Rome, it was cold and i had a pizza and let the fat drip on my pink sweater and it's good to remember that. as it's good to still remember how much it hurted to break the finger when i was 5 and i still feel those tears that are printed on the family album, me wearing jean overalls that i hated and scottish pattern shirt, short hair, looking like a little boy. i've posed to silly photographies when i was feeling silly and posed an adult when i was feeling very grown up and because of the pictures i can always remember how it is to feel either crazy or quiet.
i lost all the pictures of me of the last 12 years. he took them all. i will always have the memories of moments, but i don't think i'll remember for too long the colour of the sheets of the cheap pension where he adored me while i was sleeping, or how windy it was when we saw the jellyfish on Sado. i still have it now, but they'll be gone soon.
and because i will always want to remember me now, where i am, even with all the sadness, i'll take pictures of myself from now on. like i buy my own flowers.