#25 you should flirt, he says

and he knows, cos he's a good psychiatrist.

i have to be honest that it sounded strange to hear that in this particular context. on a consult, by the doctor i didn't even wanted to go (i thought i could deal with it on my own, like i always do about everything). actually, it was pretty much - either you start flirting or i might need to prescribe you some medication - and god knows how i hate medications and the idea that i need drugs to clean this situation from my mind - i'm not that weak - i am quite strong - he's the weak and he's going around partying like nothing happened - i'm sure i can also do it - and yet i was still crying and hurting because he's dating a stupid girl and he used to love me a lot and other bullshit that actually don't matter anymore.

are you flirting, he asked? and i, tears in my eyes and heavy heart, no i'm not. you should, you know?, you should. naif flirts, 1 month boyfriends, nothing serious cos it's not time for starting serious relationships, you'll have time for that, silly flirting and kissing and dancing, he said and my heart heavy listening and still thinking i can't do that.

and then, after calling all the good friends, mom, sister, crying like a little girl 5 months after he left i just thought - what a waste of time, just like all my girls have been telling me since he left running like a 16 year old kid. what a waste of time!!!

you're so right, dear doctor, as always. flirting!!! flirting around with boys with brains, spreading my charm around, dancing in a mini-skirt and knowing one is looking from the distance, promising wine dates, book exchanges - oh must really read this, i'll lend it to you, i'll read it to you - or having a geographer insisting on taking me home by car after dinner when we are 2 streets aways from my house and seeing him taking 25 minutes, passing all the easy ways home - he knows the city, all the streets and paths - to drop me off.

you're good doctor. thank you.