#24 when life is good

yes, i complain about life, but the truth is that my life is amazing! when i stop for 5 minutes and i see where i am, what i've done, my family and the friends i got... the small business i created... if i died right now, i'd be terribly proud of what i left behind and i'm not sure that this happens to most people. i see frequently on social media the question "do you think your 8 year old you would be proud of you?" and think - hell yeah! exactly like my niece and my nephew look at me and say my aunt awesome!
i complain about life just because someone stabbed me in the back and it still hurts a little bit, but everyday less. exactly because i have always designed my own life, i made plans and follow them, changing them whenever they didn't fit me, because i've always payed attention to details and lived all my life by my own principles, this life is no stranger to me, it's really what wanted it to be.
today i started the day complaining. yeah, no boyfriend, no good plans for tonight, i'm not going to take a friend or a stranger to the realm of the senses so i'll go home alone and eat some cereals for dinner. self pity is such an easy thing to do... and so stupid at the same time...
5 minutes after I posted about it, a small sound came from the common room and i went to check it... and there was one of my guests, from Japan, playing psaltery, a middle east ancient harpa just for fun and just like that, my life was beautiful again.

 and then at the end of the day, and there used to be something special about this day, I was tired and I didn't want to go home, cos sometimes even the most amazing home, with flowers by the bed, isn't where your heart is, and you need some love other than the cat, I got a call from a friend for a glass of wine and only got home by 2 am, happy, to a home that then felt like home, to the love of the cat that everyday tells me I love you just because you exist and I'm happy you're home without asking for anything more than an arm he can lay his head and a hand where he can rubb his nose.

I have amazing friends in my life, I have a beautiful home, I have strangers playing strange old instruments for me, I have flowers and I have love on every corner, I have the sweetest cat in the world. Do I want someone to love me and that I can love back waiting for me at home? Of course I do! Do I want sex and cuddles and someone's shoulder I can lay my head when I'm tired? Obviously! But I don't need it like a drug. I'm tired but I can wait.