Just this year I started taking pictures of something else than vacations or small funny moments. Just this year I got a good camera and even that was an accident. I didn't get it for myself, but for the boy that left me 20 days after the camera arrived my house. A camera that was too good for me, he was the one that used to take pictures and because of that I don't have any picture of myself from the past 12 years. Just this year, this year that changed my whole life, because I had a camera too good for my skills and because I didn't want to see it a waste of money, I took a basic photography course. Not only for the camera not to be a waste of money, but mainly because I needed to keep myself busy, I needed to have anything but cigarettes on my hand, I needed to have an excuse not to cry and leave the house after work on occasional Thursdays. It's a cliché, but everybody said it - you need to focus on something else, go take a course, learn another language, start a new project and I said ok, not happy about it, but forced myself to it.
I've always loved photography, but always considered myself a terrible photographer, all blured and no light or focus sense but now I think I had never found my subject.
I'm not a photographer. But I do take pictures. And my favourite subject, at the moment, is intimacy. Maybe because I don't have it, maybe because I'm single and I miss the feeling of being part of something. And I am lying now. I do have intimacy, otherwise I couldn't take pictures of it. I have friends and family that are so intimate with me that don't even notice when I pull my camera to capture them, no posing, no smiling, no changing what they're doing - it's almost like I'm invisble and sometimes, being invisible is just awesome.
If I was a photographer, which I'm not, my goal would be this invisibleness, going inside the houses, the beds, the gardens, and capture life and love as if I wasn't even there.
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