#59 Japan

I pour myself another glass of whiskey. It's not my drink, wine is my nature, red wine, but nature has been strange to me this past year.
It's a 12 year old Chivas but it should be a Santory - I can see Bill Murray raising the glass in front of me now...
Just one hour ago I arrived home. It's Monday night which is cinema night and tonight was Ozu's night again, Japan night again, yellow tea kettler, pale green doors and I will always remember you - japonese movies from the 50's were really good and I said I never seen it and now I have - shall I tell you?
Tomorrow I'm going to wake up late for the first time in a long long time and I'm going to buy the lottery. Because of you. Because of you and mostly because I don't have have enough money to offer myself a vacation in Japan and this 2014 is telling me everyday go there - you, Ozu, my tattoo and the cherry blossoms and Air and, most of all Murakami - Japan!. Finished just 'South of the border, west of the sun' - the rain one - just now, after the movie. And I feel Japan calls me and I look to the right and I'm the cherry blossom girl and today I found your phone number hanging loose on the internet and I was just looking for an email and I wish, seriously, I had never seen it. It takes a very strong girl like me to resist it.
Tomorrow I'll send you a letter. I hope I can make it simple and clean. Just a sober invitation for a cup of coffee and an ice-cream (maybe).

#58 single woman's dinner

Starter - toasted bread with cheese and zuchini and wallnuts jam
Second - turnips greens soup (grandmother recipe)
Red wine
Desert - a glass of whisky and hazelnuts chocolate

(this is just a reminder, because most of the nights it's just apple with cereals and yogurt)

#57 girls will be girls...

"I started questioning gender based assumptions a long time ago.
When I was 8 I was confused at being called bossy because I wanted to direct plays that we would put on for our parents. But the boys were not.
When at 14 I started to be sexualised by certain elements of the media.
When at 15 my girlfriends started dropping out of their beloved sports teams because they didn’t want to appear muscly.
When at 18 my male friends were unable to express their feelings.
I decided that I was a Feminist."

 

I was called bossy all my life. I was called tom-boy. I was told that girls don't run around and should be more quiet. I was told that girls wear skirts and don't kick boys in the legs when the try to grab them. I was told that being a woman is all about being discrete, beauty, make-up, soft-power. Soft, sweet, pale, dresses, flowers, Jane Austen.
I was called "bossy" all my life but no-one ever told me that if I was a boy, "bossy" would be substituted by "leadership skills".
A strong woman is not yet an alpha-female.

#56 we are all lazy and guilty

My mom told me the other day - the only reason I do things is out of shame of not wanting to do anything.
I couldn't even believe it. Always thought she was a decided active person, she was always the one that pushed me to take over the world and now she tells me this. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport for my 3 months internship in US. After months of convicing me - you must, you have to, this is a great opportunity and I - I don't want to go, I don't want to go alone, Tennessee is in the middle of nowhere, I have my family here, my boyfriend here, after I made the decision yes, I'm strong, 3 months is nothing, I'll learn a lot, it's going to be fun, an adventure - she dropps me off at the airport and whispers at my hear - you are so brave, I couldn't do it!
We are all weak, I guess. And it's the pressure of the peers that make us be bigger. It's the image that we have of ourselves inside our head and the image that we project to the others that makes us be better. I'm a lazy lazy person. My house is a mess, my head is a mess, I never make my bed before I leave the house, I postpone things until it's impossible to keep it - projects, ideas, plans, meals even. You wouldn't see it when looking at me. Oh she's so strong, she's so brave (like my mom said), she knows what she wants and goes and get it - what you don't see is the nights I just sit on the couch, looking at the wall and watching all the dropps of yellow on the blue, thinking when will I fix that - that takes only 5 minutes and has been like that for 8 months now.

Persona (1966)

#55 '14=7+7 and 7 is not a lucky number

- It's 2014, sweet heart. I also left my long time girlfriend and I haven't a clue why. - he told me.
- I bet my ex- doesn't have a reason either, so it must be 2014.
Climate change, 14=7+7, the crisis, year with no summer... there must be a reason why bees keep on dying and relationships are falling apart. Another one today. One with kids last month. It's just 2014.
I've been thinking about ending 2014 since February. I decided to hold on to it a little bit longer, just out of curiousity, and then it was too close to my birthday and I wanted to have my friends around. I could end 2014 now. I should end 2014 now, make a huge welcome 2015 party, invite all the friends, I'm pretty sure everybody is already tired of this year, but I already bought the ticket and I'm kind of curious about what these vacations reserve me and after November comes Christmas and I can't wait to see the excitment of the kids waiting for Santa's...
Sorry guys. I should be strong enough to give up on all these things and save the world from 3 more painfull months but like a grown-up I'll accept the future and just hope that 2015 will bring us something better

#54 the things people say without a second thought

some may say "destroy to create" with an indie and hippie look on their faces. what they don't know, is that is the same of saying make war to build peace.

#53 the amazing people I meet

She says that she only dates guys on theirs 50's and, most important, with kids of his own. She says that once they have kids, that's when they become man, that's when their world stops being about their belly button.

A cigarette and a cup of coffee in a rainy morning in the balcony, 5 minutes of conversation, she smiles and says she's still drunk from last night, she needs to rush for the bus, goes back and forth, tryes to send he mom a last minute postcard, before she flyes home, she smiles and says that I look really young (I laugh, she's one year older than I am) and that she'll be back next year and we'll talk a little bit more.

I take a picture of her back - photographers don't like being photographed - and there she goes, Milan.

See you next year